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          贏了世界丟了你

          推薦人: 來源: 美文閱讀網 時間: 2018-06-01 23:47
            如果不曾與你重逢,我不會知道,我曾深愛過的你,也如我愛你這般深愛過我。記不清哪年哪月哪日,那個喜歡笑,扎著馬尾辮的你,在心里悄悄的生根發芽。二十多年前,當我聽到你要遠離家鄉時,想著,再也看不到你的笑臉,再也聽不見你的聲音,再也感受不到你的氣息,淚水無聲的流淌。十九歲的我,像個傻瓜一樣躲在自己的房間里,放你遠走,任我淚流。

            你去了遠方,我留在家鄉。我娶了縣城的媳婦,有了自己的家。我以為隨著時間的逝去,會忘記你的存在,會抹掉心里那個熟悉的身影,可現實給了我殘酷的一擊。你總是不經意間闖入我的夢鄉,早晨醒來,夢境依然清晰,你好像就在我身邊,曾未遠離。夜深人靜時,會想起遠方的你:你嫁了個怎樣的丈夫?你快樂嗎?你幸福嗎?你胖了,還是瘦了?……如果早知道,思念是這般苦楚,牽掛是如此揪心,我不會放你離開我的世界。我會放下所謂的面子和驕傲,會不顧一切的向你傾訴我的愛戀,不管你接受與否,我也不會如現在這般受煎熬,也不會有了這后悔一生的遺憾。

            第一次踏上你居住的那座小城,令我激動不已。我深愛的你,就生活在這座小城里,我和你呼吸著一樣的空氣,走在同一條馬路上,我感覺到了你的氣息。我向所有認識的朋友打聽你的消息,告訴他們你的名字,可沒人給我一個滿意的答復。我開著車,在人多的街頭慢慢行駛,急切地在人群里搜尋著那個熟悉的身影,轉遍大街小巷,我卻找不到你。

            某一天傍晚,突然接收到你的問候短信,我興奮的忘乎所以。你告訴我你的QQ號時,我笑了,已四十多歲的你,也學會了上網。我是不玩空間的,也沒有QQ號。為了和你聊上幾句,當晚就請人幫我審請了QQ號,你成為我唯一的好友。曾未上網聊過天的我,笨拙的敲打著鍵盤,想象著隔屏的你現在變成了啥樣子。你告訴我空間相冊的密碼,讓我看看還能認出你嗎。我興奮的打開相冊,一個陌生的女子呈現在眼前,歲月已改變了你的容顏,只有那雙眼睛,依舊能尋到年少時的蹤影。我迫切的想知道你的一切,總纏著你,聊會兒,聊會兒,再聊會兒……你總是笑著遷就我,陪我聊著我們的童年,聊著我們分別后的喜怒哀樂,聊著村子里熟悉的人,聊著我們各自的孩子……

            只要有時間,我就急不可待的打開電腦,看到你在線,心便柔軟起來。我關注著你的每條說說和日志,細品著你的心路,感慨著我們的錯過和無奈。我不知道該怎樣正確的表達我的心意:我想讓你的生活比以前更好,我想在以后的時間里好好照顧你,我想讓你分享我的成功和喜悅。現在的我,有成功的事業,只要你愿意,我可以滿足你所有要求。可你說,照顧你是你老公的責任,他有足夠的能力為你擋風遮雨。你說你現在的生活很舒心,不需要任何的轉變。你的話,刺痛了我的心。我贏了世界,卻丟了你。現在,連給你一份更好生活的權力也沒有了。你說我們該慶幸各自找到自己心愛的人步入婚姻,你說好在你我都很幸福。我不知怎樣回復你,我幸福嗎?從小深愛的女人,我拱手讓人。這么多年,心里一直裝著你:你的笑,你的馬尾辮,你那雙純真的眼睛,你的一笑一動占據了我整個心房。若能回到從前,若可重新選擇,我寧愿舍棄前程,寧可呆在農村打拼,我也不會放你離開我的世界。我,曾未牽過你的手,曾未吻過你的唇,曾未擁抱過你,就這樣一份戀情,深藏在心中二十多年,我的累,我的淚,你不會明白。

            上天安排我們重逢,是偶然,也是必然。我終于可以對著深愛的你傾訴心聲,終于把憋了二十多年的話,說于你聽。你不會知道,我多么想攬你入懷,嗅聞你的體香,可我害怕擁抱后,就再也不舍放手。我多么想親吻你的額頭,吻去我多年的思念,吻干你為我流下的淚水,可我害怕親吻后,情更濃,心更碎。我多么想真正的擁有你一次,讓深愛的你成為我真正的女人,可我害怕破壞了的幸福,驚擾了你的平靜。你說我們該珍惜這意外的重逢,我們錯過了,就是錯過了,不要把錯過演變成過錯,祝福對方,是彼此最好的結局。你的話,我無意反駁,欣然接受。

            那天,再一次打開電腦,滿滿的,全是你的留言。想必你也和我一樣,在情感的漩渦里苦苦掙扎吧!你的淚,你的痛,你的掙扎,你的糾結,你的抉擇,字字刺痛著我的心。你最終選擇離開我的視線,你要重歸以前的平靜生活,你刪掉了我。我再也看不到你亮起的頭像,再也走不進你的空間,再也不能和你聊天,再也不能隔屏觸摸你的存在。又一次,你消失在我的世界里,又一次,我失去了看到你笑臉的權力。我贏了世界,卻永遠的失去了你。

            作者:言笑嫣然
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